Last week I posted my thoughts about my retirement honeymoon being over. I realized that I was ambivalent and anxious about actually wading out into the deep water of making my dreams come true. I also realized after I finished the post that I had probably been ambivalent and anxious about every major adventure in my life. This would include going to college. I hated to leave my parents and high school friends. Of course, I had been thinking about college for years, but I didn't skip off without several hundred looks back. It would include moving to New York and getting a job in publishing. I had dreamed about moving to New York since I was twelve, fourteen, sixteen, but when the time actually arrived, I was scared.
I have long believed that maturity isn't the lack of making mistakes, but it's the ability not to make the same mistakes. I thought my inborn anxiety was simply a mistake I made and one I could just ignore. I am certainly less anxious than I have been in the past, but new situations bring anxiety out full-force. I don't think that will change no matter how "mature" I become. At sixty-three I came to this realization. I am happy to report that this old dog learned a new trick about herself.
No fear, I'm sticking to blogging, to writing and to the pursuit of the dream of publishing for the next eight months, just as I planned when I retired. I once again learned that everything worth doing takes more time and a lot more work than one would suppose. I also learned -- for the hundredth time at least -- that it very rarely goes as quickly as I would like. But if history has taught me anything I have learned that keeping at one's dream is the best course to pursue, and that makes for one happy old pup.
Please come by tomorrow for our Random 5 Friday fun. As always, thanks for visiting and take good care of yourself.