Dear Martha and Rachel...

I've been waiting very patiently to hear from you. I know you both get a lot of requests for tickets to your shows and you can't get back to everyone right away. I also know everybody doesn't get tickets...But still every time I go to my inbox -- even on weekends when it's not very likely that your staff is sending out tickets -- I get that little thrill of hope. Maybe this time...

But for the last three weeks "this time" never happens. I'm not taking it personally, but my feelings are starting to be a little bruised. It brings back every memory of childhood kickball games and gym classes, when almost invariably I was among the last chosen, and I'd stand looking at the kids who had been chosen and wishing I wasn't among the last. It got a little better in high school, but it doesn't take much to bring back those memories. I thought somehow being the last chosen was gone with elementary school. I never dreamt it would still be with me on the cusp of Social Security and Medicare.

Dear Martha and Rachel, I'm appealing to you. Please! I would be a great member of your audience, absolutely great. I'm cute, I'm perky and I will clap wildly on cue. I've got a big smile and will laugh and nod at all the right time. I won't embarrass you, I promise. Just give me a chance, you won't be sorry.